


Don’t Put Your Blame On Me

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has a Family, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-25 17:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20029579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: Peter often wakes in the safe house having nightmares. Of Tony. Of reality not being real. Being crushed by a building, underwater. Sometimes he wakes up on the ceiling, stuck. Sometimes he wraps himself in webs on purpose up there, like a hammock. Household tasks are a chore as well. Baths are petrifying. Lifting sends him into a spiral, even though he need to do it to keep up strength to hold himself on the webs. Robot movies are now too much. Sometimes, it’s too much, and he goes over the edge.





	Don’t Put Your Blame On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Canon Tony and Spiderman Far From Home spoilers, although I’m sure you already know if you’re here!
> 
> Thought of this while listening to Human by Rag N’ Bone!

Peter wakes, falling. All he knows is he opens his eyes and he’s falling, down, down, until he’s in the darkness. The emptiness. But he’s floating. He is. He’s not holding anything. He’s... underwater. He’s suffocating. He can’t breathe, there’s a weight on his chest, and he starts to fight it, he starts to push and scream, until suddenly there’s air and he’s gasping and vomiting, and there’s large rough hands on him and heavy breathing in the background, and he can’t open his eyes-

“Peter!”

Tony?

“Peter, come on, it’s not real. Wake up. Come on back. Come on To- Pete. Come on Peter.”

It’s Happy. As he’s found out, apparently partly spider, human kids’ anxiety attacks feature his body shutting down, going limp and curling up tightly. Even in a bathtub full of water, and now vomit. And apparently it’s something Happy was used to when Tony had chest rattling coughing, choked by hyperventilation and alcohol, until the alcohol was no more, but the heavy breaths still stuck.

“MJ, get the tweezers please.” Happy said gently. Peter just grabbed tight to his arms, not sure if it was real yet but willing to give it a change to escape that hell.

He heard her footfalls as recognizable as ever, no change in weight. He felt Happy move his hands up Peters arms, neck, to his face, keeping contact so he would know where he was, even as his senses fluctuated. But there was something else. Someone there. He started to panic but happy shushed him, warm familiar hands on him, and he knew touch wasn’t an illusion. 

He knew the next part. The part where they pried webs off of his eyelashes. The small strands that grew over his nostrils and eyelids, but his eyes were more critical now, as he could breathe through his mouth. Next they moved as sure as ever to his nose, and he clawed at Happy’s arm accidentally out of instinct, but calmed quickly as his eyes came open. 

He didn’t want to see. But at least they couldn’t see him through the vomit. He shut his eyes again and listened as Happy took the webbing off gently, and ushered MJ out without words as he pushed the curtain halfway forward, and helped Peter stand with privacy. He jerked the shower nozzle up and sprayed himself off, before he rushed out, the towel already ready for him outstretched.

He had the thought to drain the disgusting tub before running out, knowing he wouldn’t slip. And then he saw her. Morgan, sitting on his bed. Waiting for him. The other footfalls he heard. They were suppose to work on a project. A hover board. He ran.

All he had was a towel, but with MJ sitting on the bed waiting for him, with her, and Ned and Betty in the other room talking about philosophy of video game characters universes, he needed to escape. Though it seemed his senses were off, because as he clambered up the old house’s ladder into the attic, he fell before making it. 

There was no point. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t eat anymore. He couldn’t sleep, or bathe, or train. He could even go to his hiding place, which he had tidied with blankets from various rooms. He was just... human. He was a survivor. But not a victorious one. He was nothing without-

“It’s not my fault. It’s not- I tried. I tried. Tony I tried. I’m sorry. I-”

“God Peter!” Happy said, just making him curl tighter around himself and the towel beside the ladders base.

“No, no, no. Come on. It’s ok. It’s ok! We’ll get you in some clothes-”

“I’m not a toddler!” Peter yelled, scrambling to his feet. He hated every second of this. Trapped. In his head and this house. He just couldn’t- say it. And then Happy’s face fell. His facade melting away. To sadness. And Peter backed up into the doorway closest, and ran inside, and slammed the door as he fell again. Happy wasn’t sad. He couldn’t be. He couldn’t be upset because of him. He was trying to get better. He-

“Peter?” Happy’s voice traveled through the door. This was Morgan’s room. Her home away from home. The room she stayed in when Pepper checked in, using absolutely awful vehicles so as not to be noticed. It was designed sparsely, but under the bed from his spot on the floor, he could see various electronic components. She was smart. Just like him.

“Peter, can you hear me?” Happy tried. Peter sat up, his breath slowing a bit.

“I’m trying ok? I don’t... I’m not a dad. Tony was all kinds of crazy, but somehow he was just what you and Morgan needed. And I’m trying. To be that, but I’m not. I’m not Tony. And I know you hate that-”

“That’s not true.” Peter said quietly. Happy silenced for a moment before sighing.

“I’m trying to hold you together. Both of you, you know? Morgan lost her dad, but so did you. But I- I can’t hold myself together too, ok? And I need your help, Peter. I need- I need you to believe... in getting better. All of us.” Happy mumbled, back pressed against the door. Peter slowly made his way to the opposite side, and pressed his head to the door.

“I can’t let him go.” Peter croaked, choking on tears. Happy chuckled, completely empty.

“Neither can I. He was a legend, that man. Batshit crazy.” Happy said. Peter cracked a laugh, and Happy smiled. 

“Remember when he um, he saved you? You remember that? The very first time?”

“Course.”

“He talked about it.” Happy said. Peter went silent for a minute before his mind put it together.

“When?”

“A few times. First it was guilt. You know, he had these young fans who were going to put themselves in danger. And I think from there he decided he couldn’t stop anything from happening. Or, well, not like that. He couldn’t stop the next generation of heroes. So he decided to find them. Fund them. Protect them. Help them.”

“Them?”

“He only found you, Peter. You were his sole predecessor. Until Morgan.” Happy said. Peter sniffed and chuckled.

“I found her stuck to the ceiling a month ago.” Peter said.

“What?!”

Peter opened the door a crack before sliding out of the room, shutting it again so they could lean. He pulled the towel closer, and looked around warily. He slid to the side, looking around the hallway and at Happy.

“Where’s Edith?” Peter asked. Happy sighed and took the case from his pocket, handing it to Peter. He gripped the edges as he looked around. No illusion.

“I didn’t tell you.”

“No shit, kid. Pepper would kill me!” Happy said. Peter managed to look sorry, even through his timidly showing up smile.

“She found my web bracelet shooters, and put one on. She just did it. And then she swung around for a minute, and I- I grabbed her. I asked what she was doing and she-”

“What?” Happy asked.

“She said she was going to be just like us. I didn’t tell her she’d- she wouldn’t want that.”

“Yeah. But you know she would. Morgan is getting to be more like him every day. She’s brilliant. Every time I see her face light up... Every time I see yours...”

“It’s him.” Peter said quietly.

“Yeah.”

“Every time I look in the mirror... it’s him, I see him, I see what he believed I could be, and just what happened instead.” Peter said. Happy was silent before speaking up.

“She doesn’t.”

“What?”

“Morgan. She’s worried about you. She sees... a brother. And a hero. Peter, it was an entire world of us, more than ever before, against a universe of power. That isn’t your fault. And Tony knew you would be here. He knew you would make it. To watch out for her. And he knew I would be here too. To take care of you. And I’m trying my best.” Happy sighed.

“You’re doing good Happy. I’m not- I didn’t mean to yell. You help so much, I just, I’m not getting better. I’m doing worse.”

“No, no you’re not. Just because you don’t know how to communicate this- this nightmare were in, doesn’t mean you’re not getting better. You were back to lifting a week ago. You took a real bath today, and yeah, it failed pretty much completely, but you went for it.” Happy said, poking a finger to his toweled chest.

“And I... started going through Tony’s files again. Things he would have wanted safe and cataloged. It’s a process, a long one, but we’re going to get through it. That’s how I found a picture of you. From your aunts collection. You had that damn mask. It was Halloween.” Happy stopped, and Peter turned to realize he was tearing up.

“Neither of us are in this alone.” Happy said. Peter nodded, before putting his head on Happys shoulder. It was almost like he was with them in that moment. A feeling of almost hope. Peter put his arm around Happy, and he reciprocated just as quickly. 

“What if I can’t live up to it though?” Peter asked.

“He thought you could.”

They both startled, Happy more stern, and Peter feeling another wave of nausea and fear wash over him. He startled and put his face in Happys shoulder as if he could hide, before looking up with a sharp breath.

“How long have you been there sweetheart?” Happy asked.

“MJ-”

“She needs to hear this Peter.” She said quietly. Peter couldn’t hold eye contact. He looked away, and pulled the towel tighter.

“Dad said you got hurt with everyone else who disappeared. And he said you died. But he said you saved a lot of people.” Morgan said.

“I did. I think. I-I tried. Yeah.” Peter said. 

“I want to save people, like you and Dad.” Morgan said.

“Even if it does this?” Peter asked. It was probably too harsh, but Morgan just walked forward and hugged him around the neck, making him squirm from anxiety.

“You need protecting now. And that’s ok. I’ll do it. Like you did for my dad.” Morgan said.

Peter sobbed and grabbed her small frame, hugging her tightly. It was too much, and she, to her credit, just hugged him back and cupped her small hand against his ear.

“We’re iron man now.” She said quietly. Happy shook his head, physically having to remove himself before he cried in front of her. He stood and walked away, leaving MJ watching them huddle together.

“Can we go work on the hover board now?” Morgan asked, pointed to her bedroom, in which the various parts and skate board style gear was under the bed. 

“Yeah. Go suit up.” Peter said, teary eyed, letting her go and feeling the anxiety finally leave him. He stood on weak legs and walked to MJ, hugging her tightly.

“That is quite a towel.” She joked.

“I think it’s stuck to me a little.” Peter admitted, making her choke on laughter, before pulling back without showing it.

“We’ll get it off.”

“Uh-”

“I’m kidding. I mean I’m not, but you know, you can put on some pants before we tear it off like wax. Probably.”

“Ow.” Peter said, already feeling it. MJ chuckled and moved her arms to around his shoulders.

“And then... we can use your webs to drag behind Morgan in a little wagon, maybe crash and get some nasty road burn.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, and then watch buzzfeed unsolved. True crime.” MJ said.

“You’ve seen all those a thousand times.” Peter said.

“Yeah, but you haven’t.” She said simply. His face fell a little, and she shook her head, thinking on the spot.

“Or- uh- the buzzfeed food- thing. That you like. I don’t know.” She said. Peter saw her struggling and kissed her quickly. Sometimes crimes he couldn’t stop were too much. She knew that. And she cared.

“I uh- I love you. Thanks for being here.”

“Yeah, you too, dork.” She shrugged, swallowing nervously before leaning back in to kiss him. His hands found her waist, before they were interrupted.

“Are you guys ready?”

“Yeah, Morgan, let me- get dressed.”

“We’re gonna rip this thing off.”

“Not funny.”

“Riiiippppp, just, all the hair.” MJ said. Morgan laughed and Peter winced, rushing to his room to try to get it off before her, or at least put on pants. He could hear their laughing behind him, and the sound of Pepper giving Happy a comforting talk, and Ned explaining Peters version of the afterlife.

He was able to smile at all of it, finally. Tomorrow could be hell. But he’d have them. Do it all over again. And it would be ok.


End file.
